Stay In Your Life
by Namaresca
Summary: Draco is thinking about Harry and his reasons for why he's acted the way he has, and his hopes for a change. A lot of things have happened in the last year, and Harry's doing some thinking as well. DracoHarry SLASH
1. Reasons

Rating: G for now

Disclaimer: I don't own them, J.K.Rowling does, lucky person.

Summary: Draco is thinking about Harry, and why he became his enemy.

Author's Note: Everyone has a first fic they've posted, this is mine. Reviews are welcome, 'cos I have a couple of ideas that I could turn into another chapter. If people like this one and want more, let me know and I will write out my ideas. Also, any suggestions are welcome for any possible future chapters.

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_If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today, _

_If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way _

_I__f you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call, _

_If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all.  
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_Never know what the future brings, but I know you're here with me now, _

_We'll make it through, and I hope you are the one I share my life with. _

_I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand, _

_If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am? _

_Is there any way that I could stay, in your life?  
  
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_If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed, _

_If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head, _

_If you're not for me, then why does this distance maim my life, _

_If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you, at night?  
  
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_I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand, _

_If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am? _

_Is there any way that I could stay, in your life?  
  
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_'Cos I miss you, body and soul, so strong that it takes my breath away, _

_And I breathe you, into my heart, and pray for the strength to stand today _

_'Cos I love you, whether it's wrong or right _

_And though I can't be with you tonight, know my heart is by your side._

-Daniel Beddingfield, If You're Not The One

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I wonder if you have ever realised why exactly I made the decision to become your most persistent and ever present enemy. I wonder if you ever realised precisely what happened that day six years ago when you refused to take my hand in friendship. Oh, of course, everyone thinks they know that. The most famous boy in our world rejected one of the richest, most spoiled and stuck-up boys in the magical world. Naturally said spoiled boy proceeded to see it as a personal insult, and therefore declare war on said wonder boy. A natural hatred bred from heritage and actions by both.  
  
If only it was that simple. People have no idea that my reasons are so much more complicated than that.  
  
It would come as a surprise to everyone to know that I have never actually hated you. Words I'm sure you never thought you would hear from me. I, Draco Lucien Malfoy, do not, nor have ever, hated you, Harry James Potter. (Yes, I do know your middle name. Bet you never thought I cared enough to find out that bit of information.) It was never hatred that prompted me to consistently pick fights with you for the last six years. It's amazing that no one ever stopped to wonder why, if I hated you so much, I seemed to go out of my way to have confrontations with you so regularly. Amazing you never wondered why either. I guess you thought the same thing as everyone else, that I was simply trying to make your life as miserable as possible. If only that were the truth, MY life would be so much easier.  
  
I suppose I should really get to the point, and explain what the hell I'm going on about. The truth is, I've made myself such a huge presence in your life because I couldn't bear to not see you, to not be around you as much as I can. The day I met you my whole life changed.  
  
When you walked into Madame Malkin's, a scruffy, underfed boy with clothes several times too big, and glasses that had sticky tape holding them together, everything changed for me. I immediately felt your presence in some obscure way, and the second our eyes met, my heart lurched. It was like a puzzle where one vital piece was missing, a piece without which the picture made no sense, and suddenly that piece had been found. Suddenly the picture made perfect sense, and I realised the piece missing from my life was you. Sounds insane really, doesn't it. Five seconds after meeting, and I was suddenly positive you were meant to be in my life, in my heart. But insane as it may sound, it was the truth. With all my heart I knew you were the person I was supposed to love.  
  
I know what a lot of people would say, I was only eleven, how the hell could I possibly know that. A lot of people would even argue that at eleven I couldn't possibly know what real love was, but I did, at that moment our eyes met, I knew exactly what love meant, and love for me meant you.  
  
The thought of never seeing you again made my heart freeze. I instinctively knew that if I never saw you again, I would never again feel the love that filled my heart. That was why I was so desperately upset when I discovered just who you were. I knew my father would never approve of me caring for you. You were the boy who destroyed his lord's powers, you were the natural enemy of Voldemort (yes, I can say his name without flinching, he's never been MY lord), who my father was sure would one day rise again to rule over the magical world, and naturally kill the boy who stripped him of his powers all those years ago. If my father ever discovered how I felt for you, not only would he consider me weak, but he would probably try to use me to get to you.  
  
But despite what my father would think or do, I could not bear the thought of not having you in my life. I needed you, my heart called out for you so loud I was surprised you didn't hear it every time you got close to me.  
  
My heart leapt the day I saw you on the Hogwarts Express. It had felt cold, lifeless since the day we had met, the only thing keeping me going the fact my father had told me you were to attend Hogwarts that year as well. That day on the train, I could see there was now a light in your eyes, they were no longer dull and defeated as they had seemed the day we met, they now held a fire to them, one that made them blaze a magnificent emerald that took my breathe away.  
  
So that's what really prompted me to offer you my hand in friendship that day, not any of the evil plots that various people have speculated. My offer came from the total certainty in my heart that I needed you in my life. As everyone knows, that backfired very badly, with you rejecting me, and quite obviously putting me in a category the polar opposite of friend.  
  
My heart screamed out at that one, and I distinctly felt it crack. I felt broken, and for a short while had no idea what I would do. The idea of not being able to be close to you, to let you see how I felt about you, gnawed at me, creating a hole in me. That night I lay awake, unable to sleep for the lead weight of my heart. I simply couldn't imagine trying to live without you in my life. There had to be some way to stay in your life, to keep you near me. Just being close to you in some way would help the pain I felt. It was like my heart had decided, and I didn't have a choice. It seemed like fate, this was what was meant for me, this was who my heart was meant to belong to.  
  
Eventually it was thinking of my father that gave me the idea of how to stay in your life. He hated you for what you had done to Voldemort. If I pretended I hated you, and became your enemy, it would be easy for me to invent ways to be around you, and as a bonus, no one would realise why it was I so desperately needed to be around you. The thought of you looking at me with disgust in your eyes if you discovered how I felt chilled me. But I'd already seen how your eyes flashed such a brilliant emerald when you were angry, and the thought of being able to see that on a regular basis excited me. You have such amazingly gorgeous eyes, I dreamed of being allowed to stare at them for hours, to see the flickers of emotions that passed through them constantly.  
  
My plan worked even better than I had thought. You didn't seem to question my sudden immense hatred of you, and always rose to the challenge. You were so strong, no matter what I threw at you, that not only did you take it with such grace, you usually managed to best me. I have to confess, I took a lot of pleasure from our sparring matches, and came to eagerly anticipate them. It gave me the perfect opportunity to look at you, and over the years I covertly watched you grow, watched you become more muscled, more confident in your stance, though always maintaining that slightest hint of defeat to you that I'm sure only I ever noticed. I don't think those two best friends of yours have ever seen it, they haven't studied you as closely as I have all these years.  
  
Even though it's been six years since we met, five years since you rejected me, I still love you, in fact I probably love you more now. Watching you over the years, learning you, seeing your strength help you triumph time and again over things very few people could survive, my love for you has grown. Every time you best me in one of our frequent arguments, my heart swells slightly with pride. Every time you emerge victorious from yet another deadly situation, my heart bursts with love and pride. Every time I see the bright emerald flash of your eyes, my heart constricts.  
  
I love you so much more completely than I did when we met, for then it was my heart that had made a choice. Now I love you with all of my being, with no reservation. I couldn't imagine not loving you, and frankly, I don't want to. I am happy loving you, for you are the most amazing person I have ever, or could ever, meet. People do not realise just how privileged they are by simply knowing you, have no concept of just how special you are. And I don't think you realise it either. For too long you were neglected (yes, I do know what your home life is like, you would probably be very shocked at how much I know about you), and when you entered our world, all people saw was your scar, the legend. Too many people forget to look beyond your scar, and therefore miss how amazing you are all by yourself. But I see it. I loved you before I knew who you were, and you being The-Boy-Who-Lived has never influenced how I see you. To me, that is merely a small part of who you are. You would be just as special to me if you didn't have that scar.  
  
Oh Harry, if only you knew. If only I could tell you, but I fear you would never be able to accept my love. But maybe, just maybe, you might be able to accept my friendship.  
  
So many things have changed now. You have permanently killed Voldemort, freeing the world forever from the fear of him. All of his Death Eaters, including my father, have either been sent to prison for life, or received the Dementors Kiss. So many people in our generation are suddenly free of the influence and pressure of our parents, finally allowed to express our own views without fear of punishment, and many are surprised at how many of us are now voicing opinions on a polar opposite of those of our parents. An immense weight has been lifted from the whole wizarding world, and everywhere the effects are noticeable. It's like all these years there was a cloud over everything, and finally the sun is shining full force, like spring after a hard winter, full of hope and renewal and new beginnings.  
  
So now, as we prepare to enter our seventh and final year at Hogwarts, hope fills my heart once more. Hope that you might allow a new beginning between us, a chance for me to be close to you without the insults and false hatred, and just maybe, a chance to show you how I feel, and perhaps even allow me to convince you to love me back.

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Well......what did ya think? Good, or should I just stick to writing my uni assignments?


	2. All In A Year

Rating: PG, for people who don't like any type of swearing

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry and Draco, would I really be bothering to write this??

Warning: This will eventually be a slash story, so if it bugs you, don't bother to read any further.

Author's Notes: Ok, I know I said I was waiting to see what people thought before writing more, but by the time I'd posted the first part, this was already begging to be written, so I did. And being impatient, I couldn't be assed waiting a couple of days to post it.

This was supposed to be just a short chapter from Harry's POV, to help explain Harry's behaviour in following chapters, but my bloody muse decided to take over, and it has ended up a lot longer and more complex than I intended. Turns out Harry had a lot to say. Damn muse.

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Merlin, so much has happened in the last year. I think I'm still processing it all. One thing I do know without having to think much... the world is never going to be the same, and my life certainly won't be.  
  
The thing, person, that has been looming over my head and causing me so much pain and trouble for the last six years, and in many ways my whole life, is gone. Voldemort is gone. He's dead, for real this time. He can never return to plague the wizarding world, and me. I, Harry James Potter, killed him.  
  
That thought scares me sometimes. I only just turned 17 a few days ago, and I've already killed. It was necessary, and in doing so I know I've saved thousands of innocent lives, but it's still a scary thought. Before I knew Voldemort existed, and about the prophecy that said one of us would have to kill the other, I would never have imagined that at any time in my life I would take another's life. But it was necessary, and if I hadn't done it I wouldn't be sitting here in my best friend's backyard, I'd be dead.  
  
But I don't want to think on that anymore. I've grieved, in a strange sort of way, for my innocence, and the life I took, even if it was that of a completely evil person. It's time to move on and think of the future.  
  
My life is no longer overshadowed with the knowledge that I could die very soon. Suddenly, I can entertain the thought that I could die a very old wizard, I could live a very long life. It didn't even occur to me until Voldemort was dead, that somewhere in the back of my head, I wasn't sure I'd live to see even so young an age as 20. In the back of my head sat the firm knowledge that I could die before I'd even graduated Hogwarts. Now, that tiny lead weight in my brain is gone.  
  
Now that I know it was there, a lot of things in my head make more sense. I'm about to enter my sixth year at Hogwarts and haven't really known what I wanted to do once I graduated. Now I think I understand why I couldn't decide. In the back of my head, I wasn't sure I was going to live long enough to need to make that decision.  
  
The world has suddenly opened up for me in more ways than one. Before, I've always had to be so careful about where I went, who I met. My movements, or lack of as has been the case, was always restricted by the need to keep me safe from Voldemort and his spies and Death Eaters. Voldemort's dead, and his spies and Death Eaters are all either in prison or dead. Suddenly I can go anywhere I want with no fear of being captured and killed.  
  
So far, this has been one of the best things. Finally I've been able to leave the Dursley's for good. Never again do I have to go back there if I don't want to. This summer, for the first time ever, I had the choice of staying wherever I wanted to, going wherever I wished. I'd never really been anywhere, the few occasions when the Dursley's went on holidays, they never took me with them, so I decided now was the time to change that. I felt freer than I'd ever been, and I wanted to make the most of it.  
  
The first two weeks of holidays, Hermione's parents had invited Ron and I to stay so they could get to know Hermione's best friends better. But instead of going to The Burrow after this as intended, I informed Hermione and Ron that I was taking them on a trip. I already had quite a bit of money from my parents, and surprisingly Sirius had named me as his sole beneficiary in his will, so I'd inherited a substantial amount from him as well. I told Herm and Ron I wanted to see places, and I wanted my best friends with me, so I booked us a round the world trip that would last four weeks. Those were amazing weeks for me. I saw so many amazing sights, and learned a lot, not just about the places, but about myself and my friends. We have never been as close as we were that trip. We had seen and done so much together, been with each other when we had all been stripped to the bare bones of our souls, and had emerged together intact. We all now understand each other better than we ever have, and it's been wonderful to feel so connected to them.  
  
We've come back to The Burrow for the last two weeks of the holidays, and it's been so nice to be back here. Mr Weasley ended up Minister of Magic. He didn't really want to be, but Dumbledore very vocally supported him, and he's so well liked people followed suit in their support. Since it happened four months ago, there have been some changes to The Burrow. There are quite a few new things around the place, and everyone's got lots of new clothes, as well as possessions. The Weasleys have always put their kids first, and it's evident in the number of new things the various children have received.  
  
The most touching thing that has happened to me since I got here was one night when Mrs Weasley pulled me aside when everyone was sitting around after dinner. She sat down with me in a quiet corner of the room and said to me how very proud she is of me, and how proud she knows my mum and dad would be too. Then she said to me how she's come to think of me as one her son's, and she didn't want me to get upset with her, 'cos she knew she could never replace my mum, but if I wanted to call her mum once in a while, she wouldn't mind. I didn't know what to say. In a way I'd come to think of her as the closest thing I've ever had to a mum, and I told her that. I wasn't really sure if I'd be comfortable calling her that, but I thanked her for telling me I could, and maybe one day I would. She got all misty eyed and gave me a big hug, one of the ones I love to get from her, then stood up and suggested all of us go on a walk, since it was still light and a lovely evening.  
  
Yes, the past year has been very eventful for me. I'm definitely not the same person I was at the beginning of our fifth year at Hogwarts. According to Mr and Mrs Weasley, a lot of people have changed drastically over the last few months. After we got back from our trip, they told us all the news from the Ministry and stuff. A lot of the people who were Death Eaters were parents of kids who were in Slytherin, and a couple surprisingly had kids in other houses too. Once all the Death Eaters had been sentenced to either prison for life or the Dementors Kiss, a curious thing apparently happened. A lot of the kids who were now free of their parents began to express their thanks to the Ministry for punishing their parents. Turns out a lot of the kids didn't agree with their parents views about purebloods, muggles and Voldemort especially. Many kids whose parents were Death Eaters admitted to having arguments with their parents about not wanting to join Voldemorts ranks. That's not to say that they all turned out to be nice, but there have been a fair number of them.  
  
Mrs Weasley told us, after making us promise to not say anything, that Draco Malfoy's father was one of the first to receive the Dementors Kiss, which everyone knew. But what people didn't know was that afterwards Narcissa Malfoy, who had managed to remain uninvolved in her husband's activities, met Mr Weasley privately and told him that she was glad Voldemort had been defeated when he was, because Lucius had intended on forcing Draco to join the Death Eaters ranks, or be disinherited, and she had not wanted to either to happen to her beloved son. Draco had confided in his mother he thought his father was wrong in supporting Voldemort.  
  
That came as quite a shock to us, from the way Malfoy behaved, we had always thought he would be a strong supporter of Voldemort. Turns out he's nowhere near as fond of violence as we all believed. When I think back now on the past few years, I think we've made quite a few assumptions about Malfoy that may be wrong. I realise now that he was much more liable to curse me with words than his wand. It's made me wonder a bit about how things could have been different when we first met. If I had accepted his friendship, things might have been very different. We might have even become good friends. But then again, somehow I don't think his father would have liked it, or might have even used it to try to lure me to Voldemort.  
  
The past is done. Now is time to look to the future, which is looking brighter to me than it ever has before. And who knows, maybe Malfoy will no longer be so mean to us this year, he no longer has to live up to his dad's expectations. No constant fights with him would be really nice, and I've always wondered what he looks like when he's not sneering. Maybe this year I'll find out.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh Merlin, what the hell is he wearing? I've just caught sight of Harry on the platform for the Hogwarts Express, and wow! Seems he went shopping over the holidays and finally bought clothes that fit him. He's got on a pair of black jeans that seem moulded to his legs, and oh my, I don't think I've ever seen a better looking arse. But while it's a magnificent sight, that's not what's got me mesmerised. Harry's whole aura has changed. He looks more happy and relaxed than I've ever seen him, his smile lighting up his whole face, making his eyes sparkle in a way that's almost got me dazed. For all these years there's always been that ever so slight air to his stance of defence and wariness, as though he was always waiting for something bad to happen. Suddenly that air is gone, and the effect is electrifying. His whole air is one of confidence, and I'm definitely not the only one noticing. Harry's standing with Granger, Weasley and his sister, and all three keep glancing around the platform with amused smiles on their faces. They are obviously enjoying the fact that everyone is noticing the new improved Harry. Well, not really new, it's just that finally he's happy and relaxed, two things that have been missing from his life, and the change is written all over him.

"Draco honey, if you're going to keep staring like that at Potter, you may want to close your mouth before you drool or swallow a fly."

I jump as Millicent's voice filters through the Harry induced fog in my brain. Turning to her, I can see the amused sparkle in her eyes.

"Alright, so I was staring, but so is pretty much everyone on the platform, you included." I am about to add a suitably scathing remark about Potter to that, but when I see no disgust in Millicent's eyes, I change my mind. I'm serious about not being Harry's enemy anymore, and what better place to start than by not putting him down to my friends.

"Of course I was looking Draco, I mean, he's always been cute, but right now I'd quite happily eat him up with a spoon."

Oh god, really not a mental image I ever wanted to have when connected to Millicent Bulstrode. But I've got to admit, not a bad idea applied to Harry. I look back over to see him just stepping onto the train, and realise we had better get on too, it's getting close to eleven o'clock. Turning my thoughts resolutely away from Harry, I motion to the others and we move forward to find a carriage to sit in for the journey.

"Draco, I'm not trying to pry, well, actually, I am, but why the sudden desire to play nice with Potter?"

"Look, I already told you, the whole reason I was always nasty to Potter was because of my father. He's gone now, and with the Dark Lord gone too, there's really no reason to keep being nasty to him. I mean, what the hell's the point? I know people will keel over when they hear me say this, but I never thought Potter was all that bad. Bad case of Hero Complex maybe, but I reckon given the chance we might have even been friends."

Oops, I really didn't mean to give away that much. I'm not usually that careless, maybe this has been bottled up a little too long. Oh well, after the war I know I can trust these guys with my life, so maybe telling them my secret wouldn't be so bad. Apart from anything else, it's been eating me up a lot more lately, and I could really use someone to talk to.

"Guys, if I tell you something really personal, you know it goes no further than us, right?" Blaise and Goyle-sorry, Greg, both nod with a curious look on their faces, but Mille has a slightly knowing gleam in her eyes as she nods. That girl always surprises people with how observant she is. She was the one who knew Pansy and Crabbe were actually loyal to the Dark Lord, which in the end saved our lives, if we had trusted them, we would have ended up dead along with them.

"Ok, well you know how I told you guys that I never actually hated Potter? Well, it's a bit more complicated than that. Actually, a hell of a lot more complicated than that. When I first met Potter, before father walked in and informed me who he was, I was totally spellbound with him. I was really upset when I found out HE was the boy that my father hated so much. When Potter scorned me that first day at Hogwarts, I wasn't angry like everyone thought, I was heartbroken. See, the truth is, I've been in love with him basically since I met him." I stop, not really sure what else to say. Greg's doing a pretty good impression of a goldfish, his eyes so big I can't help wondering if they might be in danger of falling out. Blaise is just staring at me, his eyes wide, but I can see he's busy thinking, probably looking back in his head over the years to see if it was obvious and he somehow missed it. Millie however has this little smile on her face, though her eyes are a bit wider than usual. Now I'm seriously thinking she must have guessed something, 'cos she doesn't seem all that surprised. Though how the hell she managed to guess this, I have no idea. Think I'm going to have to have a long talk with her later.

We're all snapped out of it when there's a knock on our compartment door and it opens to reveal the lady with the tea trolley. We all buy a few things to snack on, and sit back to open our purchases as the lady moves on, closing the door again behind her.

Surprisingly, it's Greg who breaks the silence. Everyone, myself included, had made the mistake of thinking he was stupid. He's not really, it takes him a bit longer than most to work his head around something, but he's not stupid by any means.

"So, you're in love with Harry Potter. I'm going to go out on a limb here and reason that means you're gay. That doesn't bother me, no offence Draco, but I kinda always thought you were. I guess the real question is, are you gonna go after him, and how can we help?"

"Yeah Draco, I mean, I won't deny it's a really big shock, he's the last person I ever thought I'd hear you admit to being in love with, but if he's who you love, you've totally got my support."

Right, now I understand the muggle expression of feeling like you've woken up in the twilight zone. I was hoping my friends wouldn't be too upset with me, but I honestly wasn't expecting any of them to come out with that, least of all Greg! And I really thought Blaise would have a bit of a problem with it being Harry I'm in love with. I think I'm the one doing a goldfish impression now. When did my friends get so unquestioningly supportive? I know we've all changed from the war, but I guess I never realised how much.

Millie's giggling softly, and when I turn to look at her she gives me a huge smile.

"Draco, I hate to burst your bubble, but I've suspected for a couple of years now. I didn't think you were in love with him at first, just that you didn't really hate him, but when the war really got going, there were a few times when we were all together and I could see the concern and fear in your eyes every time we heard something about Harry. I really don't think I would have even seen it if I hadn't already suspected. You've hidden it very well all these years. But you're right. Now that the war is over, you don't have to hide it anymore. You should be free to love whomever you love, and as you've already guessed, we'll support you no matter what. And just so you know Draco, I really don't think he hates you either."

Oh god, I am not going to cry, Malfoys do not cry, but my eyes feel very full right now. I don't think I've ever felt so unconditionally loved and accepted as I do right now. I've just told my three closest friends my biggest secret, one I was sure they wouldn't like much, and instead of ridiculing me, they've just smothered me in affection and support. Wow.

"Um, wow. I… wow. I didn't dare to hope you guys would react even half as well as you have. I don't really know what to say right now, except thank you, all three of you, so much. I can't imagine better friends than you guys." Millie seems to notice how choked up I am right now, cos she smiles and pulls me into a tight hug, and next thing I know the other guys are there too, and we're sharing a warm group hug. After a second we all pull away, sit up and straighten our clothes, looking around as if to see if anybody saw us. After all, we're still Slytherins, we do still have a reputation to maintain.


End file.
